Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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