fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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