So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
