Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
