I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
