i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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