here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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