bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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