thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just pee around me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
