Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
