i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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