On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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