I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mom said you looked used
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
