lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you win again, gameday.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
