Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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