She is in my trunk
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
