Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
