She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
