The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
