I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
