Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You can't motorboat a personality
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
