So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
