omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
