they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
