I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
