I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
