I feel like abortions should bother me more
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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