i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
third nipple confirmed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
