The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Randomize
