I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
