sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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