I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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