This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize