I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
