So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
