At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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