I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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