Just took my morning after pill in the library
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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