I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
