Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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