I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
