i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
