my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
