Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
