I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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