So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
this hospital has no fireball
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
