trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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