If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
