call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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