So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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