i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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