I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
