It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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