Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
