I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
