I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
