At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
