Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
