I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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