It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
