"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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