Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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