I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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